When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
