If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
