sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
