I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
