i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
