so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
