someone threw a dead crab at me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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