All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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