I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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