walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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