Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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