She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
