I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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