Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
