it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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