Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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