I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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