i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
