Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
