It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
