weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
