he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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