I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
