There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
