Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and she was petting her beer can
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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