you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
