last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
