Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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