Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
