I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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