So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want her autograph on my taint
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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