you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry my hands just texted you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
