Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
