My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
