just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
