You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
