Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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