i may or may not be watching the land before time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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