imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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