So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
