turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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