Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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