I got chris browned last night
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
