she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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