I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
