Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You pole danced in your parka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
