i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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