Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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