so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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