i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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