btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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