P.S. I can't hear my feet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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