your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
